Weekly Insight: Reframing Fear

“Fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind” - Dale Carnegie

The thing that scares us is the very thing that motivates us by pushing us further. Higher. And faster. 

We've all experienced some version of fear, which has held us back repeatedly. Sometimes, we respond by quitting when we hear the voice of fear, and sometimes, we keep going, but the energy and time it takes to overcome our fear squeezes out all the joy and fun from new experiences. It comes to the point where we don't want to try anything new.

I had a job I loved that was close to home, and I had the boss from hell. I spent two years in frustration and tried everything I knew of to change things in the relationship I had with my boss. Everyone around me reported that they heard her make negative comments about me; she was unsupportive and made things intolerable, but no one could give me insight into how to make things work. I was afraid of her temper and felt that if I tried to change to a new job in the same hospital, her influence and spite would follow me. 

I felt paralyzed by fear and wasn't sure what to do. I wish I had had someone to talk to.

The stress of the work situation grew in my mind, and finally, I couldn't handle it anymore. I reluctantly applied for a job in a nearby city and was called two days later for an interview. I learned about fear through this experience. My mind got involved and created a situation where I was paralyzed, working for a boss that there was no way to reconcile with.

This experience showed me that when my mind got involved, the problems multiplied, and irrational thoughts came to mind about my situation; I feared retaliation if I took alternate jobs, and the situation became much bigger than life.

I then learned fear can be processed differently. 

One of my mentors, Ajit Nawalkha, suggests that fear can be reframed as enthusiasm. He says to rename it as EXHILARATION, the excitement of the unknown. This is actually possible through recent scientific discoveries that the region of the brain that processes fear also processes excitement. 

When fear is made predictable, our brain can process fear as excitement. Through this reframing, we can ride a roller coaster because we are able to predict that the ride will be safe, and we can experience it as excitement.

Professor Daniel Cordero of the Yale School of Emotional Intelligence discusses three fear cultures. The feeling "this isn't enough," so you do whatever it takes to avoid shame; the feeling "there isn't enough," so you become hyper-competitive, overly protective and selfish; and the feeling "I'm not enough," so acceptance becomes conditional failure will happen, and the expectations can never be met.

These fears make up our thinking and then come through to our behaviours, beliefs and values. 

Conquering fear is about understanding it, facing it gradually, and using strategies to manage it effectively.

By breaking down the fear, building confidence, seeking support, challenging negative thoughts, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, you can reduce its impact on your life.

Remember, it's a journey that requires patience and persistence, but with consistent effort, you can overcome fear and achieve a more fulfilling life.

Do you need help gaining control over fear in your life?

Let's talk

- Leslie